You’ve done your part: You’ve wiped the dirty diapers, listened to the middle school drama, held your baby’s hair as they threw up yet again from the stomach bug. You’ve poured your blood, sweat, tears, and oh so much money into your little baby, cheering them on at all their extracurriculars and helping them to grow into a person you’re proud to post about on Facebook. (Although you like to remind them you’re proud no matter their achievements.) But now that fateful, wonderful, feared day has come and gone: high school graduation. As you assist in packing your kid for college, you may begin to wonder what life after kids in the house is like. Yes, college is exciting for them, but leaving you in that quiet, empty house doesn’t sound so exciting for you. But empty nesting shouldn’t be something to dread! Yes, you will miss having a loud, full house, and you might even miss the 17 pairs of shoes left by the door and the extra loads of laundry you no longer need to do. Nonetheless, you should enter this new season with excitement and anticipation. Here are some practical tips for how to prepare for empty nesting and ways to enjoy the new freedoms found in this season.
FIND A PURPOSE
Let’s not sugarcoat it: No matter how independent your child was before leaving for college, you did a lot for them, which means you’re about to have a whole lot more time on your hands. Nature Medicine’s 2023 study, spanning over 93,000 people ages 65 and older across 16 countries, suggests that there are physical and emotional benefits to having a hobby. Those with hobbies showed fewer symptoms of depression and a higher life satisfaction than those without. The hobby itself doesn’t matter: painting, sewing, gardening, running, volunteering, coloring, woodworking, cooking, pickleball, hiking… The list is endless. And if by “hobby” you hear, “find a new project,” like fixing up the back patio like you’ve always wanted but never made the time for… I won’t dissuade you.
Start by taking five minutes to jot down activities that bring you joy or skills you wish you had. Next, research items on that list and see if a local studio or nearby shop has the necessary supplies and/or offers how-to classes. If you chose to stay at home when your kids were in school, consider getting a part-time job doing something you enjoy to add to your schedule as well. Not only will it fill your time and provide structure to your week, it can also be a fun way to meet new people and try something different. Plus, extra spending money is always a perk! (Men, if your wife is the “CEO of the home,” as Birmingham mom Kasey terms it, make sure you help her through the transition of losing her “full-time job.”) If you have aging parents, you may discover that this newfound time and flexibility enables you to devote more time to them as well.
PLAN A VACATION
This might be our favorite suggestion, because who doesn’t love a good vacay?! Now that you’re not tied down to a school schedule (for the first time in, ahem, 12-plus years), you are free to travel anytime in the fall or spring. It doesn’t have to be fancy or two weeks long—though, it can be…Europe, anyone?—even a long weekend at the beach will do the trick. The key is to give you something to look forward to that gets you out of the house and puts you in your happy place, helping you dislodge yourself from the emotional rut you might occasionally find yourself in. Plus, this is a great opportunity to rekindle your relationship with your spouse and remind yourselves why you married in the first place, before kids came into the picture.
MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF
When was the last time you really, truly devoted time and energy to your physical, emotional, and mental health? Amid the hustle and bustle of kids, you always come in last… but now that you’ve sent off the last one, you finally have time for you. And I’m not talking about “you and your spouse” time… though there’s a time for that too. You need to make sure each of you has your own alone time, your own “stuff,” because in many cases this is the most time you’ve ever been together, and that can be tough. Purposefully carving out time to be apart will make the time you spend together even better. But “me time” won’t come naturally—remember, you’ve been trained to not think about you, even when there’s throw-up on your shirt or you’re running on four hours of sleep because someone decided to stay out past curfew. There are a few different ways you can reconnect with and invest in yourself.
- Try a new type of exercise: Maybe you’re already working out, but branching out to try a new kind of exercise or a new group fitness class can be a somewhat scary but exciting and rewarding opportunity. Regardless, be consistent and keep showing up!
- Unplug from your phone: I know, I know, the fear of missing a call from your now-college student is legit. However, research by the University of Texas exposes that taking time away from your smartphone is good for you, as it “improves sustained attention, mental health, and subjective well-being.” So leave your phone (and Apple watch!) at home and go on a walk when you know your kid is in class. You’ll be surprised at how freeing it feels (after you get over the hump of worry that someone might need you immediately).
- Read a book: People who read for just six minutes experience reduced muscle tension and a slower heart rate, according to University of Sussex researchers. Cultivate curiosity; expand to new genres and topics, especially books that make you reflect and grow into a better human. If you’re not a reader, try listening to an audiobook instead.
- Start a Journal: Journaling is not just for middle-school girls. It is a really helpful and important tool for processing real, hard-to-handle emotions. Moreover, if you take time to write down three things you’re grateful for each day, it can help you find joy in even the most mundane of days.
BE INTENTIONAL WITH FRIENDS
As a parent of kids with busy schedules that often overflowed with social events and extracurriculars, maybe most of your friends are the parents of your kids’ friends. Or, perhaps you had close friends once upon a time… but between work, moves, and life, you grew apart. No matter your “relationship status” with your friends, it’s never too late to be intentional. Plan a weekend college reunion, go see a high school friend, or get together for lunch with those basketball mamas (or dads). You’re allowed to stay friends even though your kids aren’t in town anymore… it might even be helpful, because they understand exactly what you’re feeling! This is also your chance to make new friends. Be brave. Invite your neighbors over, join a bible study at church, make conversation with people you see in your workout class or art studio. You never know who might be good potential friend material. Will it sometimes be awkward or uncomfortable? Certainly. But remember, if your baby can be brave enough to move out and meet new people in college, you can do it too!
CREATE A BUCKET LIST
Whether it’s a fitness goal like running a half-marathon or a delicious dream like baking your first three-layer cake, create a bucket list for yourself. Setting both long- and short-term goals is not only a “fun idea,” it’s essential. Spend time writing down things you aspire to accomplish, places you hope to go, and things you want to do, then swap with your spouse. Compare lists, and then come up with a shared couples bucket list. Dream big! It can be as outlandish as you want, though adding more simple or straight-forward goals like “redecorate youngest kid’s bedroom,” “start a garden,” or “lounge at the pool for an entire day reading” are certainly encouraged too. Once the list is made, don’t leave the notepad to collect dust in the junk drawer; hang it on the fridge and start making plans for how you’re going to cross things off! “Don’t put off doing things on the bucket list,” a friend recently encouraged. “There are three phases in empty nesting life: go go go, slow go, and no go. So go all in during the go go go phase!” This season of life should be fun. Writing down your goals and dreams in bucket list format will help you to remember that and reframe your perspective on this new time and space you have in your life.
Congratulations, you’ve made it through the chaos of the baby phase, the elementary school stage, the middle school years (oof, those were some rough times), and the high school saga! Now your youngest baby has flown the coop. Don’t worry, you’ll still have plenty to worry about and drama to hear, but now you’ve got to trust that you’ve raised your child to be the best person they can be, and then you need to focus on soaking in the gift of empty nesting. Don’t put added pressure (aka guilt) on your adult kids to continue to be your everything. Instead, create meaningful moments when you do have time with the adult kids. Remember: An empty nest does not mean an empty life. Can’t wait to see all the new home improvements, hobbies, and fabulous travel destinations in your future on Facebook!
