Catching up and making new memories, holiday get-togethers are full of festive fun. For whatever reason, some folks want to add a little extra to the chaos. Yes, there are people out there who seemingly have nothing to add to the conversation unless it is controversial or negative. College psych 101 classes suggest that perhaps they lack confidence in what they bring to the table. Something about generational trauma? Who knows. But we all know someone who loves to stir the pot and poke the bear, so to speak. If you are “blessed” enough to have someone like that RSVP’ing to your holiday gatherings, try these tools to avoid conflict and keep your cool…
Keep the Conversation Light
Vapid. Simple. Surface level. Keep the conversations light. Click here to arm yourself with some safer ideas for non-controversial conversation starters. Shifting the topic early can keep things from spiraling.
Keep Guest X Busy
A tactic used by teachers for years and years—make needy students feel needed. Give them a job! A guest with busy hands may have less of a busy mouth. And if the guest feels important, it may boost their mood and shift their thinking to a more positive tone.
“You are so good at making gravy, can you come help me with mine?”
“I know this is silly, but can you please make sure no one is giving Fido table scraps?”
“Grandma might need help with her plate this year. Can you be her helper?”
If the task is far away from other humans… well, bonus.
Respond, Don’t React
“Just ignore them, they will stop” is a claim made by moms whose kids are fighting, but let’s be honest… it’s rarely true. Pesty people tend to escalate their prodding until they get a rise out of their intended victim. Instead of ignoring, try responding calmly and neutrally.
“Welp, that’s a thought!”
“Wow, you are very passionate about this topic. I am passionate about grabbing some rolls!”
“It seems like we may see things differently. And that’s okay!”
“Let’s save that conversation for another time.”
“I care about you too much to argue.”
“I love chatting with you, but if you are looking to argue, you can chat with the mashed potatoes, not me.”
“It seems like this could become a disagreement, let’s keep things peaceful today.”
Exit Gracefully
It’s no one person’s job to entertain Guest X. So if the conversation turns too spicy, have an exit strategy.
“I’m going to go organize the tupperware.”
“I’m going to go check on the kids.”
“Ope! Looks like I need a refill on my drink.”
“I think I hear someone calling my name from the kitchen!”
“Your point reminds me, I need to use the restroom.”
“I am going to head outside and get some fresh air.”
“This has been enlightening, but I am going to excuse myself from this conversation now.”
“Goodness! I left something in the car; let’s catch up more, later.”
Avoidance as Peacekeeping
Some folks just butt heads every time they talk. It’s life. There may be different opinions on an array of topics, different beliefs, different lifestyles, etc. To keep the holidays from becoming a heated debate, just… keep the peace and keep away. Pleasantries may be the extent of interactions between some people, and that is okay.
A polite smile and wave.
A head nod of acknowledgement.
And keep it moving.
Sometimes doing your part and avoiding a whole person can keep a kerfuffle at bay and keep the gathering sane. It is one day. Just behave!
Being thoughtful about what topics to bring up and being mindful of how you react to topics thrown your way may help avoid conflict. Giving a guest a job or even avoiding them altogether can be helpful, too. These strategies will hopefully help you keep the heat in the kitchen, not in your discussions!
